Trinity Alps May 2023
Today marks the anniversary of my son Michael's passing, a poignant reminder as it falls on the same date and day of the week. With Mother's Day approaching on Sunday, just as it was 22 years ago, I find strength in the enduring love that continues to connect us.
Now, some may ask...
"Debby, it's been 22 years, haven't you gotten over it?"
A mother's emotional connection to her children after death remains. This bond endures, whether the children were adults, young, or even if they were lost during pregnancy. The experience of motherhood leaves an indelible mark on a woman's soul, ensuring that a mother will always carry her children in her heart.
I won’t delve into the emotional details of his unexpected death, as doing so only makes me sad. Now, I choose resilience over sadness - (that's why I always steer clear of emotional movies that trigger deep feelings within me.)
Instead, I focus on strength and healing.
Part of that healing came in May 2023, when I finally embraced the moment by letting go of his earthly cremains and sprinkled the ashes over a cherished area nearby.
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
King James Version
13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. 15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. 16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: 17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words.
I am so very sorry. I remember when you made this flight.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that we ever forget or even let go of that sadness when someone we love is gone. My gram has been gone forever and I still think of her all the time. I love when I leave my kitchen, come back and smell her kitchen. There are ways we take them with us. Always.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for the loss of your son. I don't think I could ever forget. I still think of the first baby I lost to miscarriage. She would have been 46 this month. I lost 2 more after that. Then I was blessed with two sons and a daughter. Our kids are with the Lord.
ReplyDeletePeople who ask why you haven't gotten over a death even after such a long time have never been in that position themselves.
ReplyDeleteYou can’t imagine some of the insensitive things people have said to me after his death. I guess they were well meaning and not trying to be rude - just insensitive.
DeleteA mother or any parent never "gets over" the death of a child, no matter what the age or circumstances. For someone to think that and much more to actually say that just shows the person's ignorance and lack of understanding. I pray they never have to experience such loss. It's not something you ever "get over". The way we deal with it may change over time, but there will ALWAYS be that little empty place in our hearts where our child once lived safe and healthy and happy. I choose to remember those happy memories and cherish the pictures in my mind/heart of what a precious child he was, and his memory lives on in my heart forever. I don't ever want to forget him, and I celebrate his life over and over again and thank God that I was given the joy and privilege of ever knowing him and having him to love at all. And the good news is, our children are waiting for us in heaven. We will be reunited one day and will forever enjoy the joys of eternity. Praise be to God, through His Son Jesus Christ, Who open heaven's gates for all of us if we just believe. (((hugs))) to you today. May God comfort your heart and give you sweet memories to cherish today.
ReplyDeleteTotally a lack of understanding and not intentionally trying to be mean. Just insensitive
DeleteIt's hard to believe some callous people still think there should be a timeline on grieving the loss of a loved one. Despite our best intentions, Mother's Day weekend (and others) sometime ushers in heartache. Right there with you. Let's embrace the good times and honor these silent anniversaries of the heart.
ReplyDeleteI could write a blog post of the insensitive things people have said after his death. I won’t but it goes back to they just have no idea what it’s like, they’re trying to say something and end up with their foot in their mouth!
DeleteI cannot begin to imagine the intense grief that comes with losing a child, Debby. No mother gets over it. My mother had three miscarriages, and to her last days, she still lamented that loss. May God's love surround you with His peace and grace.
ReplyDeleteI remember my Grandma and some aunts still talking about that pain of losing a baby.
DeleteI'm very sorry you've ever heard comments like that. As a mother I could not imagine going through such a loss and I don't think it's one I could ever get over. I pray on this anniversary and every day God gives you the comfort, peace and strength and I'm certain one day you both will be reunited again.
ReplyDeleteI will see my son again
DeleteHello Dear Friend, I am sending prayers and hugs. The pain is one that last a lifetime. My friend Krista lost her baby just hours after giving birth. It changed her, that was 24 years ago. As her friend, I walked beside her and was there for her the best that I could.
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers,
Carla
Oh how hard for Krista. You being a good friend to her was priceless.
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. How could someone say that to you. That is lovely that you did that with his ashes. My heart aches for you and I am praying for you. You take care. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI have learned that people who say dumb things are not intentionally trying to be mean - they believe they are helping. Sometimes it's best to say nothing at all and to just be there with a hug or a gentle touch on the shoulder.
DeleteSome things we just never get over. So sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteLosing a child is traumatic
DeleteIt is not easy to lose a child - I know that. He will always be a part of you. My mom and dad lost my brother when he was 51 - not easy. Hard being so close to Mother's Day.
ReplyDeleteI remember that following Mother's Day- it was loving because I was at his church but I was so broken at the time. It was such a shock.
DeleteThinking of you, dear friend, on the day of your son's passing. One would never get over the pain of losing a child. My sister lost her beloved son and her husband within a year's time, how dreadful that was for her. Such a beautiful place to spread his ashes over. I know this Mother's Day you will be missing and thinking of your dear son, Michael.
ReplyDelete~Sheri
Horrible tragedy! The Trinity Alps are a favorite of our family and my 2 sons hike there a lot.
DeleteI am trying to choose resilience this weekend as well. Mother's Day continues to be so hard for me (yes, even after so many years) but I don't want to ever get over my sweet Tyler or all the ways being his mom fills my heart. But Mother's Day is a challenge. Sweet blessings to you this weekend...and on this anniversary.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss. I won't ever get over Michael either. I've just learned to live with it for the time being, as I will see him again.
DeleteAs a mum I do not think a parent can ever get over the loss of a child not in 1yr or 100yrs, it is something we just learn to live with, I too am sorry for your loss
ReplyDeleteThank You Jo-Anne.
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