Thankfulness for the Yesterdays and the Blessings of Today.

It's Thanksgiving! Time to gather together and express our gratitude for the many blessings that adorn our lives - the good things to be thankful for...

However, amidst this reflection on joy and abundance, let us also consider the moments that, at the time, were less than. These wondrous life experiences, though painful, shape us in unexpected ways that always lead to a deeper appreciation for all that we cherish today. Throughout our lives, both the good and the not-so-good, we will encounter pivotal moments that shape us, enabling us to grow stronger and more resilient. These experiences, often challenging, mold us into the individuals we are today so that we can better serve our God and uplift those around us. 

After all, that is really what it is all about.  

Amen? 

I vividly recall one Thanksgiving that became a turning point in my life. I had just returned from the hospital with my newborn son, while my first husband lay sprawled on the living room rug in a drunken stupor. This stark contrast to the holiday's warmth was tough, but thankfully, I had the foresight to stock up on two Swanson's frozen turkey dinners. 😏

I felt weighed down by a mix of emotions as I navigated those two days.  With my three-year-old, Michael, I grappled with the harsh reality of the situation. 

This is my life - I chose this man. 

It wasn’t merely that my husband was unresponsive; it was the crushing sense of disappointment that hung over what should have been a day of thankfulness. Self-pity crept in like a shadow, and I battled against it, reflecting on the echoes of the past, the harrowing memories of his alcoholism, and the toll it had taken on me. 

After that Thanksgiving, four more years passed and another baby boy was born into our family - in that haze of alcoholism - helplessness and heartache that became a heavy anchor.  Thank God for Alanon! It was a completed cycle in which my self-pity slowly transformed into resolute self-care. At this point, I had successfully established my business, giving me complete  independence from him.  Meanwhile, he had become a frequent absent figure in our home, often disappearing for long stretches.  One day, when I knew he was coming home, I took a deep breath and finally mustered the courage to pack his bags, meticulously placing his stuff on the front porch. When he came home and found them there, he fell into the familiar alcoholic pattern of desperation, pleading with me, promising he would quit drinking for good, but his words, like so many times before, fell flat and carried little weight in the face of reality. 

God had intervened. 

As I reflect on it all,  I find myself filled with profound gratitude for the way God reached out to me. I cherish the fact that my sons look up to me as their "hero," a reflection of the courageous stand I took during challenging times. Even though we know who the real Hero is. 

I am so thankful for the remarkable man God brought into my life about 12 years later, allowing me to experience a marriage that embodies the beauty and blessings of a divine partnership. It’s a stark contrast to the desperate times I once faced, moments when I felt isolated and burdened by shame, hesitant to share my struggles with others.

I’m sharing this not to elicit your sympathy, because amidst those trials, I was always able to find those glimmers of joy, especially in the laughter and innocence of my little boys. I recognize this path as a part of my story, where the guiding hand of God carried my little family through the flames of adversity. I share because all the glory goes to Jesus!  

As I gaze at the Thanksgiving table spread before me, my heart swells with gratitude, not merely for the creamy mashed potatoes swimming in rich, savory gravy or the pumpkin pie but for my two wonderful sons, and Michael in Heaven  - my thoughts drift to the profound grace and favor that God bestowed upon all of us throughout those years.  

I see that Divine touch that fills me with thankfulness for the yesterdays and the blessings of today. 

Just as the disciples shared their experiences with Christ, we are invited to recount how God has woven His presence into our lives. It's okay to reflect on the painful moments that tested our faith and became catalysts for our victories, totally revealing the transformative power of divine grace in each of our journeys.

Debby

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https://al-anon.org/

Part Two - The Pioneer Baby's Grave

Yesterday, my husband and some members of the local Jewish synagogue came together for a workday to tend to the maintenance of the baby's grave. I wanted to be there, but I couldn't make it. Thankfully, they received assistance from a youth group belonging to the Seventh Day Adventist church in our town, and they got a lot of work done.

In the top left corner, it appears as though a tree has been deliberately planted.

After removing all the overgrown shrubs and hauling them out of the area, the impact of the scorching 100+ degree dry summer heat is evident—the area is devoid of any grass or flowers. It seems impossible for anything to grow here without access to a spigot for watering. 

Despite this, it's clear that the area relies solely on the natural resources provided by our Creator, God. Even in the face of a fire, it's remarkable how God safeguarded the grave of this little pioneer baby grave for 159 years.  

When my husband sent me his photos, I reflected on the above verse.  Life is temporary like some flowers. Amidst our world's temporary and delicate nature, one eternal constant endures—the timeless wisdom and unwavering truth found in God's Word.

 After the winter rains, the once desolate and dry land will undergo a transformation—vibrant new grasses will sprout, and wildflowers may adorn the scenery once again. We monitor the area closely. I am considering scattering a native wildflower mix in the area.

I'm sorry if you're disappointed that I cannot show you all a more dramatic transformation following the clean-up. However, the area will not be fully restored to its former beauty for many years. The initial clean-up has significantly improved the area, reflecting a strong sense of stewardship. Most importantly, it fostered camaraderie and new friendships. 

Alone Again 

The synagogue invited my husband to participate in the Mourners Kaddish in Hebrew before he departed.

Mourner’s Kaddish in English Translation 

Glorified and sanctified be God’s great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will. May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say, Amen. 

May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity. Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen. 

May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen. 

He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

After my son Michael passed away in 2003, our Jewish congregation in San Francisco showed us incredible support. Even though I am not Jewish, they attended his "very Christian" celebration of Life and continued to offer their love and care to me.  Every Shabbat, during the liturgy, there was a special moment where those who had experienced recent loss stood up, and the Mourners Kaddish was recited in both Hebrew and English. Over time, I learned how to say it in Hebrew. The English version of the prayer held deep meaning for me, providing comfort and solace during a difficult period. To this day, hearing the Mourners Kaddish gives me chills and brings back memories of the overwhelming love and support I received from my Jewish friends during that time. It's a beautiful and poignant reminder of their compassionate embrace, that I will never forget. 

__________________

I couldn't make it on Saturday because I was volunteering at our local Day in Al-anon. I was working in the kitchen, preparing the produce for a salad bar when I accidentally cut off a small piece of my left thumb. Despite the mishap, I managed to clean and bandage the cut and then put on a glove so I could continue with the food preparation. 

Ouch! I have a pretty deep cut that sliced a part of my nail and the nailbed. It's quite inconvenient having to keep a bandage on my thumb, and it's made me realize just how essential my thumb is for nearly everything I do.

Well this is it for me on this last Monday of September which I find really hard to believe. It seems like it was  September 10, a week ago. 

Until tomorrow -

Debby

The Bigger Picture

A few days ago, I wrote a blog post titled "It's Only Money." Upon further consideration, I realized that I may not have explained it well.  

The phrase "It's Only Money" holds a deep meaning for me as it underscores the idea that, although money is necessary, it should not overshadow life's greater priorities. While money certainly has its place, becoming overly fixated on it may cause us to overlook the more significant and meaningful aspects of life - the things that are part of the bigger picture.

Once Upon a Time I was a young wife, I struggled to make ends meet, trying to pay the gas bill and put food on the table while dealing with the challenges of having an alcoholic husband. During those difficult times, I often turned to my husband's mother for support, sharing my fears and frustrations with her. However, her response always struck a nerve. She would simply say, "It's Only Money." This lack of empathy and understanding left me feeling even more upset and alone. I longed for her to acknowledge the hardship my three little ones and I were enduring because of her son's actions and offer some financial assistance. When I think back on that, it was selfish of me to think I was entitled to be rescued by his mother. 

After that, I started going to Al-Anon meetings, and it didn't take me long to understand that my attempt to maintain a "controlled" life filled with worry and anxiety was futile. I realized that I had no ability to change him, but I could definitely change myself. A year later, we ended up getting divorced. By that time, I had already launched my own home daycare, showing that I was taking proactive steps to alter my circumstances. All the anxiety and worry from the past had only served to paralyze me, preventing me from taking any constructive action.

Years later, I remarried, and then tragedy struck when my eldest son passed away unexpectedly. This heart-wrenching experience made me realize the true significance of that particular saying and brought me back to a time when I believed, "If I only had more money..."

The loss of a loved one and poor health are things we are powerless over, while earning more money is something within our control. 

Whenever I face a difficulty, I assess it based on my personal principles and beliefs before deciding on a course of action. It's just the way I process things - so that I won't jump to conclusions and start to worry about things that I have absolutely no control over. 

 No one's dead 

 No one is dying

 It's not the end of the world

The certainty of these events cannot be prevented, regardless of the vast wealth one may possess. Whether we like it or not, these circumstances will eventually touch every one of us. 

Money won't bail us out of life's struggles. But there is One who can lead us out of worry and anxiety over things that are not in our realm of control. Some say, "It's too hard," "I just can't," or "it's the way I am." 

You can change it if you want to. If you already have a close personal relationship with Jesus, then you should turn it over to Him. He tells us not to worry, so why worry? Worrying shortens your life. That's how important this is. 

I feel heartbroken when I learn someone is paralyzed with worry and anxiety. I understand because that was me at one time. We have the perfect fix if we choose to surrender it all to God (like we're supposed to). It is not our job to worry. 

I wish that for all of you. 

Just Trying to Help, 

Debby

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

Psalm 94:19

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6 

 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 

 Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.   Matthew 6:34

 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Deuteronomy 31:8 

 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19

It's Only Money

 

Yesterday, I took the proactive step of finding a highly recommended local electrician to avoid having my poor husband struggle with crawling up into the attic. I made sure to schedule the electrician promptly, as I've heard about others waiting weeks for home repairs to be completed. At first, he didn't want the help, but I convinced him. It's hard for men to allow the younger men to do what they used to do. He did spend all day troubleshooting for the electrician and I'm sure that kept the cost low. 

It's all fixed now and only came to $125. 

Now we can plug in our car! 

As mentioned earlier, I tend to default to worrying. One of my areas I would worry about till I made myself sick was always over money and finances. I used to excel at this, but I've learned to control and redirect those negative thoughts related to potential financial hardships.

I wanted to share with you all, who might have the same default settings of anxiety and worry in your programming. From my Alanon daily reader, Courage to Change - 

"I suspect that if I reclaimed all the minutes, hours, and days I've sacrificed to worry and fear, I'd add years to my life. When I succumb to worry, I open up Pandora's box of terrifying pictures, paranoid voices and relentless self-criticism. The more attention I pay to this mental static, the more I lose my mental foothold in reality. Then nothing useful can be accomplished.

"To break the cycle of worry and fear, I'm learning to focus all my attention on this very moment. I can turn away from destructive thoughts and concentrate instead on the sights and sounds around me: light and shadows, the earth beneath my feet, the pulse of everyday living - all pieces of the here and now. These bits of reality help rescue me from the "what if's" and "should have's" by anchoring me to the present. Prayer and meditation, the slogans and phone calls to Al-Anon friends are other sources of serenity that bring me back to the moment. As I shut out the noise, I am more receptive to my Higher Power's will  (who I call Jesus) and therefore much more able to work my way out of difficult times."

I understand. Many people have told me that they've tried to stop worrying and it hasn't worked. or its too hard and they just can't. But I want to tell you, it is possible. Sure I still have my moments but not like I used to. Overcoming the challenging habits of worry and anxiety isn't easy, but with the help of God and our willingness to follow His guidance (Read Matthew 6:25-34), it can elevate all the suffering that anxiety and worry cause. It requires effort on our part to be able to recognize what we are doing to ourselves. It's not healthy to worry.

My mother-in-law used to say, "It's only money," and back in my younger days, that made me mad - as if she wasn't hearing me. Now, and even my sons, have come to understand that little platitude she always would say. I now can run through a mental list in my head:

No one's dead

No one is dying 

It's not the end of the world 

Todays Reminder:

This day is all I have to work with and its all I need. If I am tempted to worry about tomorrow's concerns, I will gently bring my mind back to today.

In my journey of personal growth, I've come to understand that we all have our strengths and weaknesses. One of my personal challenges has been grappling with obsessive anxiety and worry. Although I haven't completely overcome these struggles, I've made a conscious decision to practice letting go and putting my trust in God. This has been an important step for me in finding peace and balance in my life.

Debby